My boss in Mississippi was fond of saying

"That's uglier than homemade sin!"--EEEEK!

and

"feeling like the red-headed stepchild"--feeling left out

Thought of some more........LOL!

Oh yeah, well if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle~When folks say....If I win the lottery (or other facsimile) I'm gonna do______________.(fill in the blank)

My ass is a piano, play me~Shut up and leave me alone!

As useless as tits on a nun~(self explainitory)

LMAO!!!

Mrs. Lix

"If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose"--Nurse at work talking about her eldest son

"Confused as a baby in a topless bar" - self explanitory

"They don't come here for flat feet"--Dr. Swana, a psychatrist who used to work at the clinic...discussing patients' behaviors

ok i thought of a few while reading this:

"colder than a witch's tit on a winter's morn" ~ from my gramma meaning "its fucking freezing out here"

"slicker than greased dog shit" ~ a friend you to say it all the time, he used it to describe anything really slick (like the bottom of the lake at a drop off) or a guy you would want to do buissness with

"if i could i would but i cant" ~ whats it says

thats all i can think of right now....if i think of anymore i'll post em

"I'm cuttin glass in here" Meaning we're freezing our asses off

"Yea and I'm Mother Theresa" HIGHLY UNLIKELY

shit a brick (and balance a fart on a clothesline) - means that the task you've been given is either too hard, too drawn out or both

Happier than a puppy with 2 peters - means extremely happy :D
(he she it ) could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon - horribly smelly
I was sweating like a whore in church - uncomfortable or very hot
well shoot me and fuck me dead - either somethings very wrong , or big surprise
colder than a witches tit in a brass bra - very cold
slower than molasses on a cold winter morn - slow very slow
well knock me over with a feather - surprised

Stand back everyone! Our prayers have been answered.
 

Uncle Silky, this thread from heaven must have been sent for you.:confused:
Please just tell us how many pages we need to reserve for you to make us a USetta stone?:D

"Rode hard & put up wet" refers to horses originally, but also someone who's hung over from partying

do you want little cheese with that whine? for moaners and groaners

like pulling hen's teeth to get you to do that!

well we know hens dont have teeth....

you could never suffer from hemmoroids...your such a perfect asshole

I'm so broke ...I cant pay attention

Just the first of many to come to mind
 

“I’d rather sandpaper a bobcats’ ass in telephone booth”-:( Something very difficult or dangerous to do.

“You feed him/her with a long handle spoon”-:eek: Caution in dealing with that person.

“He/she is so tight you can’t drive a greased toothpick up his ass with a 20 Lb. sledge”-:rolleyes: Cash conservative.

keep on wit da keepin-on, pantyman. i'm carvin out some really purdy granite as we speak.