NEVER LOSE YOUR GRANDSON

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"

"The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,

"Jack Daniel whiskey and women with big tits."

NOT ACCORDING TO DAD

Chelsea returned from a date, Hillary asked her if she had a good time.
Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and thinks she's in love.
Hillary said, "You didn't have sex, did you?"
Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."

lol dicksbro

Woot!

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Eudaimonia

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Now that's just a "little below the belt."

It's all right, DB. BIBI's just dicking with you.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

http://justdickingabout.tumblr.com/


Mischievous little brain farts wafting past the nostrils of decency.

Those are cute, bibi! Thanks.

One day a father takes his daughter to school. While driving there, there is a couple in the convertible in front waving their arms about having an argument of some sort. Then the wife pulls out a knife and cuts her husbands dick off and throws it over the back of the car, landing on the car's windscreen behind.

The girl says,"What's that on the windscreen dad?"

The dad, trying to be discrete, replies, "Its a bug."

Then she says, "That bug sure has a big cock!"

Out in the woods there's a brook, hovering above it is a fly. Well there happens to be a fish watching that fly, thinking if it drops 6 inches, I can jump up and get it.

There's also a bear watching the whole thing, thinking the same thought and when that fish jumps up for it, I'll snatch it out of the air.

Well, there just happens to be a hunter watching the bear, watching the fish, watching the fly, thinking when that fly drops and the fish jumps, I'll shoot that bear when he goes for the fish.

Wouldn't you know, there's a mouse watching the cheese sandwich in the hunter's pocket, thinking the same thought as everyone else and when the recoil of the rifle knocks the sandwich out of his pocket, it's all mine.

There's also a cat watching the mouse, sharing the same thought as everyone else, thinking he'll get the mouse when it goes for the cheese.

Well wouldn't you know that fly dropped 6 inches, sure enough the fish jumped up and got it, then it was snatched out of the air by the bear, who was shot by the hunter. The recoil from the rifle dropped the cheese sandwich on the ground, which the mouse scurried on over to. And the cat, the cat ended up in the brook. You know what the moral of the story is?

EVERY TIME THE FLY DROPS 6 INCHES, THE PUSSY IS BOUND TO GE WET!!!

funny db

An old man went into confession and told the priest: "Father,I`m 81 married with six children and 13 grandchildren. Last night i had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls.Twice."

"I see," said the priest. "When was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never,Father", replied the old man. "I`m Jewish"

"So why are you telling me?"

"I`m telling everybody!"

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn`t wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.

The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor`s office. The doctor asks her what`s wrong, why doesn`t she want to have sex with her husband?

"Oh, that`s easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says, "I`ve been taking a cab to work every morning. I don`t have any money. The cab driver asks me, `Are you going to pay today, or what?` So, I take an `or what`."

"Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I`m late, so the boss asks me, `Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?` So, I take an `or what`.

I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, `So, are you going to pay this time, or what?` Again, I take an `or what`.

So you see, doc, by the time I get home I`m all tired out and don`t want it anymore."

"Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?"