A prostitute is lounging in her bed one evening,
reflecting upon the day's business , when a Koala
bear appears at her open window. He winks at her,
climbs in, hops onto the bed, and proceeds to
perform oral sex upon her. Not too dismayed by
her unexpected guests act, she spreads her legs
and lets him have at it. Finishing, the koala
bear licks his lips and starts to exit out the
same window.

"Hey, wait a minute, buddy, you’ve got to pay for
that! I’m a hooker, you know! "

"A hooker what’s that?" asks the koala bear.

"A hooker! you know, a prostitute! Its in the
dictionary, look it up!" So she shows the koala
bear the entry in the dictionary. Sure enough it
says," Hooker: woman who exchanges sexual acts
for monetary gain."

The Koala bear things about this and says, "Do
you know what I am? I'm a koala bear! Look it
up!"

So as the koala bear disappears out the window,
the hooker thumbs through the dictionary and
looks up "Koala Bear"

It reads: "Koala Bear: eats bushes and leaves."

SteinFibers.

Three sisters wanted to get married, but their
parents couldn't afford it so they had it on the
same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a
honeymoon so they stayed home. That night the
mother got up becuse she couldn't sleep. When she
went by her oldest daughter's room she heard
screaming. Then she went to her second daughters
room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her
youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear
anything. So the next morning when the men left
the mother asked her oldest daughter. "Why were
you screaming last night?" The daughter said
"Mom you always told me if something hurt I
should scream."

"Thats true." She looked at her second daughter.
"Why were you laghing last night?"

The daughter said "Mom you always said that if
something tickled you should laugh."

"Thats also true." Then the mother looked at her
youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your
room last night?"

The youngest daughter said "Mom you always told
me I should never talk with my mouth full."

SteinFibers.

Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class,
obviously not paying any attention, when the
teacher calls his name. "Yeah teach?" he says "If
there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot
one of them with your shotgun, how many are
left?" Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one
of them with my shotgun, the loud noise is going
to make them all fly off." "No, Matt, there will
be two left if you shoot one with your shotgun,
but I like the way you're thinking." "Well,
teacher, I've got a question for you. There are
3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one
is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it,
and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher is a little taken aback by the
question, but answers "Well, uh, gee Matt, I
guess the one that's sucking on it." "No teach,
the one that has the wedding ring on her finger,
but I like the way you're thinking!"

SteinFibers...

and now i am tired I had to type out the first and last one...the second one I had saved on m HD and copied and pasted it...Need more Stamina......wait a sec....

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed after a hot and heavy sexual romp.

The chicken is crossed legged, lying back on one arm, smoking a cigarette and looking rather content!

The egg turns to the chicken and says, "I guess that answers that question....doesn't it?"

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

Little Johnny

One day Little Johnny's third grade class was having a lesson on careers and were discussing the various professions out there. The teacher asks the kids what their dads do for a living.

One little girl raises her hand and says "My daddy is a doctor. He helps sick people get well."

A little boy raises his hand and says "My daddy is a dentist and he fixes people's teeth."

Another little girl raises her hand and says "My daddy is the district attorney and he puts bad people in jail."

The teacher notices that little Johnny Woods is awfully quiet, so she asks him what his daddy does. Little Johnny Woods announces that "My daddy works as a strip tease dancer in a gay nudie bar and he..."

Shocked and not wanting that discussion to go any further, the teacher interrupts little Johnny and moves on with the lesson.

During recess, the teacher comes up to little Johnny Woods and asks "Does your daddy really work as a strip tease dancer in a gay nudie bar??"


Little Johnny replies, "No, actually he is the offensive coordinator for the Chicago Bears but I was too ashamed to tell anyone."

( Substitute the team of your choice )

NEW LINE OF DRUGS FOR WOMEN... TOOO FUNNY!!

http://www.debsfunpages.com/drugsforwomen.htm

__________________
CAPTIVATE MY ATTENTION, POSSESS MY BODY, INVADE MY MIND, ROCK MY WORLD AND, CALL ME "YOUR" BITCH... YOU KNOW MY HUNGER, YOU OWN MY DESIRE, YOU HAVE MY WILL, TAKE ME BABY... DIVINE PLEASURE

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Desperate



Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly. WAV files.Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

__________________
Flattery will get you everywhere!